Sometimes, when we have been writing online diaries for a long time, we begin to censor ourselves. We sanitize these diaries / blogs / personal sites because on the way, we have met many people and they would be uncomfortable with what we have to say. But most importantly we censor ourselves because, as in real life, we have formed an online persona, an idealistic version of ourselves that we want to project. Sometimes, this person is inspiring us to do more and better things, because we want to be like them, we want to be them. But often, this image is stifling us because it’s nothing more than another person who is telling us what to do.
So we are the people who read books and make things and meet friends for coffee or go on vacation, or have hobbies and pretty things around the house. Which we of course are, some of the time.
But we do not want to talk -and think- about the person who sits at the computer all day in their pyjamas, or checks email every 5 minutes, or is rude and unavailable, or forgets birthdays and eats greasy crisps for lunch. Strange, because some of the time, we are that person too.
What I want to say is that I will never be cute and this will never be a "pretty" and charming blog. I do not want it to be that way. I am sensitive, sometimes, but most times I trample on things. So if you ever see cutesy staff here, let me know. It means I am lying to you.
August 23rd, 2007 at 6:37 pm
Know what you mean, I stopped writing about political stuff, I was accused of being too intense or too opinionated. I started to be more “fluff” than I want to be. I’m going to have to rethink the direction of my blog soon…ciao
August 24th, 2007 at 12:35 am
I dig your blog and I can guess when you’re in the PJs :).
August 24th, 2007 at 12:48 am
Rositta
if we can’t be intense in our own blog where will we be?
Jack
hehe.
i didn’t say how this happened. I spent some time the other day looking at other people’s pictures in Flickr. Pictures of interiors and crafts and pretty things. And momentarily i thought “i want to have pretty pink things here too”. And then of course i came to my senses and grabbed my crisps.
August 24th, 2007 at 3:49 am
Oh, this needed to be said. I have thought similar thoughts. You have this way of saying precisely the right thing at precisely the right time. Not ctusey, just insightful.
xo
August 24th, 2007 at 4:05 am
You are the sort of person I wish lived nearer to, so we could have hobbies and meet for coffee in person. You know, on the days we’re feeling social and actually want to be around people
I think for me, it’s less that I edit myself any more than I did, except to tell myself, “Oh yeah, I’ve said that 10 different ways already.”
I certainly don’t want to bore (I fear this most) or alienate my same 5 readers (I’d miss you!) but I’m comfortable enough among friends that I think I’ve mostly maintained business as usual.
PS - Pretty and charming can have teeth sometimes too!
August 24th, 2007 at 5:29 am
I LIKE THIS POST!
I feel the same way most of the time! Maybe I shouldn’t write about a patient I just spoke with, maybe they wont like this Spanish stuff, maybe they… ah, then I shake my head and say “hey, this is my blog, my stage, and if I can’t be myself here, then where?”
So I write away…
August 24th, 2007 at 5:49 am
i see what you mean. i think i am totally me. bitchy one post then lovely pics of my kids the rest. i tend to rant and rave on my blog because that is the only place i can… certainly can’t do it around “real” people . lol.
i love your blog just how it is. i will be on the look-out for cutesy tho, cause i do KNOW that is not you… you are more troubled, but in a way that i can relate to, and i like that you eat greasy chips for lunch and stay in pajamas all day…. dont you? LOL> if so, we are soulmates ./…
August 24th, 2007 at 6:57 am
Isn’t it amazing what a differnt hair-do makes in your persona? I grew a beard this summer… and my wife says it just makes me look OLD! Just exactly what an OLD guy wants to hear! ~ jb///
August 24th, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Blessings and much love to you my friend.
Sending love and smiles across the miles.
Love Jeanne
August 24th, 2007 at 5:41 pm
I’m not going to label how I find your blog, I just click on a bookmark and your blog appears. To me your blog just “is”.
August 24th, 2007 at 7:10 pm
It’s the real persona, in greek - doesn’t it mean ‘mask’? This is very true. I suffer from the same thing, which some days leaves me with nothing to tell to people because I haven’t done anything “cutesy”. I don’t think my blog is cutesy in any way, I’m not cutesy at all, I’m dark and tormented.
I think with time we could see other faces of you, but it’s still hard when we get here, with this crisp whiteness and lovely colours not to see you and your life as bright and colourful.
August 24th, 2007 at 10:05 pm
alas, i can’t really write any more on my blog because my partner’s family monitors it and gives her hell about what i’ve said. it’s just not worth the headaches they give.
August 25th, 2007 at 7:31 am
The first person to comment on my blog told me it was too self-absorbed and I’ve been self-conscious ever since. After thinking on it a few days, I decided that the person who told me I was self absorbed was an arsehole and a hypocrite. We’re all self absorbed… why would anyone not want to be self absorbed? You gotta be interested in yourself to take an interest in others, don’t you?
My mum reads my blog and she is the most secretive paranoid woman in the world so I censor a bit for her sake. I vent on my vox instead.
August 25th, 2007 at 6:49 pm
I luv your blog..Period! with a Capital P
August 25th, 2007 at 8:06 pm
Chloe: are you OK? I could not access your blog earlier, but now it’s up again, although it loads slowly.
August 26th, 2007 at 2:59 am
Ciao Chloe,
first of all I’m so sad for what happens in Grecee, because I love Greece.
I found you just by case, searching greek political blogs in english. If you can help me, take a look to this site Gates of Vienna.
Next up on the calendar is Greece, for the month of August. I especially need Greek links — I have almost no Greek Counterjihad sites on my list.
Ωσ Εδω!
Thank you Chloe, any way, and best wishes for Greece !
Oriana, Italy
ps. your pictures are amazing ! Congratulations.
August 26th, 2007 at 11:04 am
I’ve done it - I do it still - because my mom reads it.
August 27th, 2007 at 10:14 pm
I understand your point, but not everyone blogs anonymously or quasi-anonymously. We don’t wear our fuzzy slippers and holey socks to the local cafe, so behaving according to social norms isn’t necessarily being sanitized or censored anymore than one would be otherwise. There are people I would love to invite to breakfast - tattered bathrobes and all. But not everyone. I don’t think I write a pretty blog. It’s honest and personal, but not private. It’s a fine line, I guess.
I hope that you are still safe. . .
August 31st, 2007 at 1:55 am
Somewhere along the way, I realized my mother-in-law was reading my blog, my brother, my co-workers, a neighbour…I decided that I couldn’t write all that I thought in this blog. It was too public.
I have a job I can only write about in the broadest terms (lots of privacy issues in childcare), I practice a non-mainstream pagan religion, and the one time I ranted politically a very mean-spirited blogger sent me some really nasty mail. I just didn’t care for it.
So I only write things in it that I would like to share with all. The positve things mostly, the things I want to tell. I hope this is not interpreted as being insincere– I AM selective about what I write online.
But trust me, I have a place to write where I rant and rage. And I’m glad of that.
And I’m also glad when I read a blog that lets the whole life show. Even if I never do it myself, I appreciate the courage and honesty.
August 31st, 2007 at 10:35 am
Friends, I never meant we should write our secrets on the blog. I think this is clear from the examples I gave. Telling someone you are having crisps for lunch for example is not a secret, it is just an uglier side of the one you want to project with the sunshine everywhere.
I don’t write everything here out of respect to people i share my life with. Nor do i expect anyone else to do so. In a few words I just said “quit the flowers and the pretty dresses all the time”.
September 14th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Oh wait. Yes, I have. I’m sorry, but I just don’t have it in me right now to type it all out again. Besides, it was just ramblings anyway. You didn’t want to hear me go on and on about this, right?