My son’s friend does not flush.
He does not wash his hands.
He is not very good at targeting either.
Nooooo. Not after the "Clean the whole house for the summer and throw away most of my stuff” project.
Question: How do I tell him I need him to do all of the above without him
a. telling his mum and creating an awkward situation.
b. feeling bad about himself.
June 14th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
that’s a tough one. but, you have to. his germy hands will be everywhere. ugh. have your son tell him. “we have to wash up/clean up before we can play, eat, etc.” that might be better than coming from an adult.
June 14th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
I think having your son tell him, OR, catch them both in the hallway and “remind” your son the rules of the house that he has to aim properly, to flush, and to wash his hands. Maybe you could forewarn your son about it, but this way his friend is technically “over hearing” the cleanliness rules without having to be told directly.
June 14th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
hmm, having 3 girls i can’t tell you how to tell a kid to remember to target and flush, men…they start so early. i just yell at my husband when he does it, and yes it makes him feel bad but oh well. lol
June 14th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
Hmmm, that’s a tough one. Can you suggest to your son that he teaches him some manners? That could be awkward too. “Let’s both go and pee together!” - not a very good way to socialize.
Oh you have a new poll - which drink won the last one? Mojito?
June 14th, 2007 at 8:25 pm
a) ask him to do you a favour and help you with checking on the bathroom from time to time as you suspect there’s something wrong with the flusher.
b) make them both wash their hands every once in a while, in particular whenever they’re about to eat or play with something new or flip through books or their homework. chances are, one of them might turn slightly OCD about washing hands, but at least he’ll be a clean-handed boy.
c) talk him into the whole thing in a way he’ll think it was his own idea to begin with. works with all males nevermind their age
xxx good luck!
June 14th, 2007 at 9:53 pm
Don’t worry about it. Say to them both, “Dudes, aim, flush, wash. Period.”
June 15th, 2007 at 12:50 am
Ask his advice on what you should tell your friend’s daughter who has this problem of not flushing & not washing. Explain how everyone knows about how tacky it is but she doesn’t seem to know and if he has any ideas on a good way that you could ask her not to or let her know her behavior is inappropriate. He might feel important that you have asked for his advice and get the hint all at the same time. Good luck to you! Let us know how you solve the situation!
June 15th, 2007 at 1:18 am
I say tell the mom.
June 15th, 2007 at 2:07 am
I think you should definitely try getting your son to tell him as others have suggested.
My cousin had the same sort of problem awhile back, so my aunt had my big brother talk to him (and things have improved).
As for washing hands — my mom simply requires us to wash our hands before we can even sit down at the dinner table. It’s become habit now.
June 15th, 2007 at 7:04 am
“I know this… man. His name is Mr. Peewright. And boy, that guy had smelly hands, and he didn’t flush, and he peed on the floor a LOT. Um, he got hepatisis and now lives in sealed in a large rubber bubble.”
It worked with my wife. You can thank me later.
June 15th, 2007 at 8:33 am
I saw this sign once … “Our aim is to keep this bathroom clean…your aim will help”. Don’t think that’ll help with the hand washing, though … eeewwww !! Or the flushing. An automatic flusher, perhaps. Just tell him the rules of the house … nothing wrong with that !!
Take care, hugs, Meow
June 15th, 2007 at 9:19 pm
The kid is probably so distracted by fun and playing and friendship that he just “forgets” his toilet manners. I wouldn’t make an issue of it. Just gently remind him that he needs to pay attention in the toilet. I’m sure he knows what he is supposed to do. Don’t make a five alarm issue out of it.
June 15th, 2007 at 9:40 pm
The trick is to smile at him, pay him a compliment or two on other things (my what a handsome young boy you are!) and ask him to please aim better, flush and wash his hands afterwards because it will make you love him even more than you already do. Flattery will get you everywhere!
June 16th, 2007 at 4:41 am
Let your son tell him about your house rules, or whisper a quiet word in his ear that you think he forgot something when he went to the bathroom…
June 16th, 2007 at 5:05 am
The problem is that it most likely is not a rule at home.
June 16th, 2007 at 10:14 am
Your house, your rules. If he doesn’t behave in a acceptable manner then tell the mother he isn’t welcome in the house anymore.
Juan’s place was a ‘neighbourhood house’ in that, in a cul-de-sac where all the kids are within a couple years of each other (and Juan having three of his own so anyone who wasn’t his kid’s age was one of the others), all the kids seemed to spend part of their day at his house. And he told them in no uncertain terms, if they didn;t behave in an appropriate manner at his house, they woudn’t come over anymore.
The neighbourhood kids listened to him better than their own parents, and behaved better too.
To sum up this anecdote in short, set the standard of behaviour and make him live up to it. his mother will probably thank you since she won’t have to clean up after him anymore either.
June 16th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
Probably just casually reminding them both of the house rules at the same time is the least embarassing.
I’ve learned the hard way about boys aiming skills at the toilet. I work with preschoolers and have the job of cleaning up in the bathroom after them.
June 17th, 2007 at 5:24 am
Oh I don’t know - Noah has a friend exactly like this -
it’s awful!!!!
Your site is absolutely breathtaking - like a fresh
aqua breeze with the scent of jasmine and
rich aromatic coffee in the air:) and a sprinkle of
salt:)
June 17th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
Hello from Sydney! I have 24 glorious hours of internet connectivity!
I don’t know how to handle the aiming bit. One would think he’d be trying, you know? But I’d put my foot down about the handwashing and ask flat-out when he comes out.
There are grown-ups in our office who do not wash their hands…and I’m still baffled about that one. I can’t exactly drag a full-grown woman back to the sinks, can I?
June 17th, 2007 at 1:32 pm
Hi Chloe
How have you been? I was away for a while and everything has changed out here!
Can’t find half the people I knew, atleast I found you
June 17th, 2007 at 6:47 pm
These things can be difficult. Just this morning I returned to my tube of toothpaste, upon which I had taped and posted a note which clearly reads: “Please screw my cap back on” and guess what wasn’t screwed back on. It’s just a little thing yes…but then why can’t people pay attention and do the little things? They are so simple!!
June 18th, 2007 at 3:24 pm
Sometimes I see the following sign in bathrooms (maybe you could post one in yours):
“If you sprinkle when you tinkle,
Be a sweety and wipe the seaty.”
June 19th, 2007 at 3:37 am
I have no idea. Perhaps feed them and before they eat, make sure to tell them to go to the bathroom and make sure they flush and wash their hands first.
June 19th, 2007 at 6:27 pm
thank you guys. in the end, i kept on doing whatever i had to do on the computer and without looking who was going out of the bathroom, just typing away, i’d casually say like an automaton: “Flush-wash hands please”
June 19th, 2007 at 8:23 pm
i agree with the “dude, you gotta flush and wash!” and a hahah to help make it light.
boys are so gross sometimes!
June 20th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
We always have our little guests wash up when they’re here. Our kids always does this - so before we eat, or if they’ve been to the toilet, we’re right there - “accidentally” - and tell them to wash their hands / ask them if they’ve washed “as everyone does in this house”. And might add the “oh, and you forgot to flush”. Haven’t quite gotten round to the “missed” part yet, as we’re not actually in the room when it happens… If he tells his mother she should be a) glad that you’re onto the same carelessness problem she’s trying to fix or b) embarrassed she hasn’t addressed this herself - either way, you’re not to blame!
June 24th, 2007 at 11:27 pm
I know you wrote the Radical Honesty post after this, but my vote says you tell the Mom that her son isn’t allowed to your home until he learns how to be (pee? - tehehe - sowwy) socially acceptable when at other people’s homes. This way, you deal with an adult, who should be able to deal with it, and don’t involve a child unnecessarily (or hurt his feelings). After all, it really isn’t the child’s fault, is it, if he hasn’t been taught properly?
Just my two pence worth…