The dreaded day I had to let my son know about the birds and bees came. I know he knows a few things, and he certainly knows the scientific part: the sperm fertilizes the egg. But how does the sperm reach the egg? That, he didn’t know, as far as I was concerned. So I got him this book and started reading a couple of pages every night, taking turns with his father.
Luckily for me, all the graphic details were on his dad’s turn. I could hear M trying to sound cool and composed as he told our son how he came about. But the little one didn’t bat an eyelid. The great mystery of life, the wonder of creation and so on so forth, didn’t impress him, not a bit. Vagina is not funny yet, not as much as poo and not even close to the hilarity of burping. When he was left alone, he asked again for the book and proceeded to read alone from another page, the one that explained how twins, triplets and quadruplets happen.
Our next milestone happens in a few pages when I have to read that some bad people might try to touch him inappropriately and he should refuse and let me know. I do not want to frighten him or make him suspicious of every person he meets, but I don’t want him to be ignorant of the danger either. Have you addressed this issue with your kids? And if you don’t have kids how would you go about it? Is there a subtle way to let him know there are perverts who sometimes work in schools, summer camps and playgrounds? And after I let him know, do you think he might need a stiff drink?
STOP THE PRESSES
I need to say Happy Birthday to my friend Joe and Happy Nameday to my friend Tasos! Two of the best men I’ve ever met (I’ve met a few).
January 22nd, 2007 at 3:06 am
I think it’s definitely important to talk about this stuff. And though maybe it’s not cool to say it, it’s best learning it from mom first.
Have fun with the process.
It’s funny to hear from kids that they came from a “giant”.
January 22nd, 2007 at 8:56 am
giant? ahaha. sometimes it indeed takes a giant.
i’m not having fun Barrett! My own parents never explained anything to me, so I have to rely on books and on the views of my friends and blogfriends.
January 22nd, 2007 at 9:58 am
thank you Chloe! (imagine that…this Tassos writing)
January 22nd, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Boy, I’m glad I wasn’t on your or M’s place. lol It’s really funny looking from the outside. My little cousin had a really funny but informative book on that subject and I’m glad people are trying to make it a little easier to have that birds and bees conversation.
But, no,I don’t think there is an easy way to talk about the bad people. The kids will more likely turn to you and ask: “but why? why would they do that?”…I guess they are used to the idea that some people aren’t good, so that kind of bad people will go into that group…but what kind of ‘weapons’ do they have to protect themselves, the kids would ask…?
They are used to battles, but only in cartoons and videogames. Hmmm Chloe, being a parent is the toughest job!
January 22nd, 2007 at 12:18 pm
I haven’t gotten to that point yet with Olivia (I am dreading it). As far as th edangers of perverts, there is a lot of education that happens here in the States to eductate kids from early on about strangers and other innapropriate behavior from adults. The best advice of course is always from the parents.
January 22nd, 2007 at 1:15 pm
We just had a talk to Jakob about “unkind” people - there’s been rumours (possibly true!) that there’s a person of that kind loafing around school. And as he walks home by himself… Anyway, his teacher did most of the telling. Very simple - some people might want to do things that you won’t - don’t let them. And we told him not to take the shortcut through the woods…
He knows about the scientific part of the miracle of life too - and I’m pretty sure he knows about the rest (he certainly knows the words for it!), but he hasn’t got that one from me. Possibly it’s from one of the many books we’ve got about life, the body etc.
- I’m glad your son took time to deal with quads, so he’ll know all about it when we all meet!
January 22nd, 2007 at 1:37 pm
Oh I really should have done this more fully and, well, better. But it’s difficult, it’s hard, I’m shy!!!!
As for the other stuff, I managed to cover that not too badly. (Loving relations: get out of town; attackers and abusers: I’ll deal with that. I’m a nightmare!) The thing is to keep it in proportion, “it’s possible you’ll meet someone who’ll want to hurt you, but unlikely.”
Something like that.
You’ve pricked my conscience. I think I should go and talk to my kids
January 22nd, 2007 at 2:50 pm
My wife and I have explained the concept of pedophiles to our daughter, and even the tricks they use to keep things quiet, ie, threatening to hurt their parents, hurt them, etc. I do have to say that my wife has done most of it, but I can also say that my daughter hasn’t turned afraid of strangers even after the talk, or the reminders we give. I think if you inform your son calmly, but let him know it’s a serious matter your son will be fine and not be fearful.
January 22nd, 2007 at 7:35 pm
I’m glad you got through it, sooner or later it had to be done.
Hugs:)
January 22nd, 2007 at 9:35 pm
Oh, I do dread the day…you are both doing such a great job, Chloe.
I think the best thing is to just be honest;the truth. Terrible as it might be. And then a good stiff cup of hot chocolate.
xo
January 23rd, 2007 at 11:26 am
well… I ‘ve said to my kid, it is his own decision whether he allows someone to kiss him or to touch him and he can always say no to anyone (including me) if he doesn’t feel like it.
That’s one thing.
The other is, that there are 2 kinds of secrets. One kind feels good while keeping it, like keeping a secret what present he may want to do to someone, or a surprise he is planning.
Another kind of secret feels bad while keeping it. It could be something he or somebody else did wrong. In this case, it helps (it stops feeling bad) to confine it to someone else (it could be me, but it also could be his father or a teacher).
The third thing is…
People do good and bad things.
Before doing something someone else said, he should check with himself whether HE THINKS it is ok or not. Only because someone else is proposing it, doesn’t mean anything.
Best regards to you and your family
January 23rd, 2007 at 6:37 pm
I don’t remember if I had such a book when I was a kid, but I do remember 5th grade’s biology class, when a distressed teacher tried to teach a ruddy crowd of 10-and-11-year-old monsters how it all works out and how to roll a condom over a banana. course, half of the bananas didn’t see any action, as some of us thought a second breakfast might me more urgent. my little brother (a year younger than me) wanted to know things more explicitly, so he asked my mum stuff she even had to look up for him (he was about 12) and for some time we thought he’d become a gynaecologist.
January 24th, 2007 at 8:42 am
Back in my day, the Mums were in charge of the girls, and the Dads had “the talk” with the boys. My Mum gave me a book, said, “Go read this and come back if you have any questions.”
Remind me some time to tell you of the word I mis-read in said book which I’m made fun of for to this day.
January 25th, 2007 at 7:33 am
Hi Chloe, i will be doing exactly as you have done re the birds & bees a little later on this year. “A” knows a little bit, but she gets embarrassed even watching tv and seeing people kiss LOL.
As for the dangers of perverts, as you know or may not know, sexually abused children are my clients
I told “A” the truth, that “perverts” are usually people you know. They are usually extended family, family friends but mainly step fathers. Your commenter “Vista” offered excellent advice re secrets. This is so true. Most will tell kids that this is their special thing, not to tell anyone. If the abuse has gone on for a bit, the pervert may use threats like…if you tell i will kill your dog/cat etc.
Apologies for going on, but i live with it 24/7 and its the most difficult crime to prosecute and get a positive outcome.
January 26th, 2007 at 11:30 am
When our father died, the job of telling my younger brother about the birds and bees fell to our mother. She purchased my brother a book, apparently the only one in town because there was a constant stream of little 12-year-olds heading to the privacy of his bedroom.
I agree with Michelle that commentator Vista gives great advice. I hope I can remember it to tell my four-year-old.