In the taxi with the racist taxi driver who keeps swearing at immigrants I never expected to experience this moment of peace, while listening to Fade Into you.
Somehow it is surreal that I am sharing this song with that awful man who obviously doesn’t notice it and just tolerates it. Still, I am grateful for that moment of clarity after a hard day full of chores and a hard night full of thoughts and weird dreams.
My Christmas list didn’ include my most precious gift of all, the sense of belonging somewhere. I want to wake up one day and not to be a stranger. To walk on the street and feel one with what I see around me. I want to be consumed by this earth I walk on; I don’t want to slip away. Is love ever enough? Is a little less love and a little more understanding a better trade-off? I am happy in myself and I want to share this feeling but it is expressed in a language I don’t speak and one which I’ve never heard being spoken. It is not a dead language, it is an unborn one.
December 7th, 2006 at 2:15 pm
i love mazzy star- named a cat after her way back when.
hmmm chloe, i would take the love and less understanding personally. i understand about wanting to fit in. that is why i love blogworld so much- easier to blend in and be genuine in my opinion.
stay beautiful.
December 7th, 2006 at 2:50 pm
I dunno. I kinda like discovery. I would love to wake up to something new
December 7th, 2006 at 4:16 pm
So that’s why you want that MP3 player of your own: to drown out the barbarian taxi drivers.
May I suggest these? A little expensive, but worth every euro.
December 7th, 2006 at 5:07 pm
I don’t know if we - people that feel disengaged with their surroundings - will ever feel at one with the world.
We might just be searching for an ideal of union that we can’t find. After all, it’s up to us and our attitude to feel at home wherever we are…we can, we just…can’t lol!
December 7th, 2006 at 7:04 pm
i don’t know…maybe understanding is a way you need for someone to love you.
after i first married and moved to elgin and would wake up and wonder”how did i get here?” and when i would go out i felt like saying”who ARE you people?” it was hot as hell and our lawn had no grass… just these nasty plants called sand spurs that stuck in my shoe laces.
now, AFTER 21 years i live on the other side of town, that actually has grass( a fall line runs through the city) and i feel like this is my home.
i feel for you, it is miserable not to like where you are.
December 7th, 2006 at 7:27 pm
Love without understanding ends up being unrequited. I am at my worst when I am not feeling understood by someone. Anyone. I can live for moments without feeling love. But we have children, so there is always love. Different, but it fills that gap.
xo
Always. Here to understand.
December 7th, 2006 at 11:28 pm
Complex thoughts. To be loved
- but without understanding.
But who
REALLY understands another?
We are all so unique and specific
in details and experiences and
interpretation of experience-
but if the one who loves -
has genuine intentions -
to TRY to understand -
and if not - then just to BE
there - it is comfort but
the emptiness remains…
or lonliness….
it comes and goes perhaps like
the tides…
i think Wordsworth that
wordster wrote a poem about this -….
December 8th, 2006 at 3:59 am
I would also take the love its what I need.
December 8th, 2006 at 11:30 am
“All you need is Love..,”
-Paul (The Beatle, not the Apostle)
December 9th, 2006 at 10:46 am
Luscious photograph, luscious song…
BTW I think you are doing a great job of giving birth to your own language that expresses everything that you want to express…
December 10th, 2006 at 5:10 pm
“Is a little less love and a little more understanding a better trade-off”
No way! Above all else, love.
Best wishes,
JACC
December 12th, 2006 at 7:18 am
This post is so beautiful. I take this sense of belonging for granted usually. I don’t belong where I am is what I always assume
Its always that far away place, granny’s home, with winding staircases and flower gardens.
I am not even sure one can really decide rationally between love and understanding. Sometimes I can’t even distinguish one from the other.
Beginning to feel a bit like Levin (Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina). No matter how much I reason, I will never be as happy as the peasant who just does things and never really cares to ask.