Today the rain came. Torrential rain that washed the streets and the leaves and the skies. I went out with the pretense of going to the bakery, but in reality, to take pictures. “Am I still young? Has my body changed? Am I able to do less than before?” I was wondering as I was taking pictures. Because M made a comment last night that left me speechless. “We don’t look as fresh as we used to, look at the photos” he said. And I did. And I saw nothing. “Sorry, you are alone in this,” I replied. But now there is doubt. I wanted to fight that doubt. To tell him that men age sooner than women, that I feel great, or at least, if he sees the change, to keep the truth from me. Because I see parents my age at my son’s school and I always think of them as older than me. When I talk to them I use honorific plural. Like a child. Ridiculous, I know. It’s not the clothes, or the hair. It’s that I never feel settled. In many ways, I will always be 24.
September 20th, 2006 at 4:51 pm
Me too. Exactly. Count me in.
September 20th, 2006 at 5:25 pm
You are beautiful.
September 20th, 2006 at 6:01 pm
How about this?
Sometimes I feel younger than my peers in one way, than at the same time much older than them, in another.
If that can be possible.
September 20th, 2006 at 6:18 pm
smile and the doubt will go away…
September 20th, 2006 at 6:19 pm
I will join you in this club..Sophie, you and I so far; who else wants in? I wish I knew the things I knew now when I was 24; I wish I appreciated my body more when I was that age; I was too modest. Now, I can’t wear the young styles without looking like I am trying to be younger than I am. I put my faith in people who age well; like Demi Moore…I will be crushed if someone tells me she’s had plastic surgery, though…that’s just not in the cards for me.
September 20th, 2006 at 7:46 pm
Good for you and good luck with your new business venture!
September 20th, 2006 at 7:50 pm
That’s the thing about aging tho: only the body ages. Trust me I know: in my mind I feel just as I did when I was in my twenties. It’s hilarious now when I’m in my 50s … I can’t wait to see what this phenomena is going to ‘look’ like when I’m in my eighties!!
September 20th, 2006 at 8:26 pm
24 because….?
September 20th, 2006 at 9:05 pm
silly man. he is obviously seeing things. the looming birthday will do that to you.
September 20th, 2006 at 9:25 pm
i feel like i am 26. i think i kinda look like it too. maybe i am dreaming, but i DO get carded for wine
lets stay young together. let the others go right ahead and AGE. i put my foot down for the both of us
September 21st, 2006 at 1:07 am
There was a day, a year or so back, and I was walking down a street in Manhattan and caught my reflection in a mirror in a shop window and I barely recognized myself. A few weeks later I was attending a literary event of sorts, held in a bar downtown, herds of the too-cool were there and someone was snapping polaroids and grabbed one of me … As I watched the image emerge from the slowly evaporating gelatin I could almost feel the years piling on me, the small snapshot exposing me for the older man I had become. I don’t enjoy having my picture taken, never have, and I don’t like mirrors either. I prefer the image of myself that resides inside me. Growing older isn’t such a bad thing but I expect there will come a point, not too far down the road, when I will wish it could all just stop, the growing, the graying, the slowing down.
September 21st, 2006 at 2:13 am
Hi, Chloe-Chloe!
I’m fine, i read your blog almost everyday
Actually, i have nothing important to say in my blog and i keep my mouth shut.
…and i will always be 28.
September 21st, 2006 at 2:38 am
An excellent, bittersweet, thought provoking post Chloe.
Is it sinful to wish for a time when our bodies were bright and fresh ?
When our features weren’t affected by the passage of time.
Maybe, maybe not, but what’s important for me is that my heart, mind and soul remain as fresh, bright and willing to learn and explore as I was as an 18 year old.
September 21st, 2006 at 4:44 am
on a good day I fell like 23,
on a bad day like 43,
sometimes I forget how old I am…
September 21st, 2006 at 6:18 am
Chloe, but you are 24! Of course you are
In my mind I’m still 19 or so, it’s hard to believe that years go so fast.
It’s raining here too, remnants of a hurricane in the atlantic.
September 21st, 2006 at 10:25 am
Women do age better than men, but then we get the bonus of never really growing up at all.
As it happens you look very young.
September 21st, 2006 at 1:40 pm
In the west the rate of physical aging is mostly genetic, and part enviromental. So if you want to know how you’ll age look at your parents and grandparents. Then role the magic dice of random numbers. You look great, so you’ve obviously been lucky on the genetic and environment front ;-).
September 21st, 2006 at 1:45 pm
I can SO relate — not only to the rain (it came back suddenly to Seattle after a glorious summer), but to the aging thing. I swear, I’m still 25; what does the calendar say I’ll be FIFTY in two months?!
Carol
September 21st, 2006 at 2:11 pm
Chloe… I just heard the perfect theme song for your M. I suggest you download it, put it on his iPod, and set it for perpetual repeat:
“Done Got Old” by Buddy Guy
Meanwhile, you and I will forever be as young as we feel and leave it at that
September 21st, 2006 at 2:11 pm
Dont be afraid of the years will come, the truth is that you are what you feel.
September 21st, 2006 at 8:06 pm
24 is a good place to be forever.
September 21st, 2006 at 8:36 pm
We are having the same day. With the rain comes the doubt. The sun will come again and we’ll be forever 23 in it’s light.
September 21st, 2006 at 8:49 pm
What the heck?
I can tell that little Fibi
is like….ten:)
September 21st, 2006 at 9:44 pm
I Know a friend that can help you. His name is Jesus Christ.
September 22nd, 2006 at 12:17 am
Dear Chloe,
You are absolutely lovely. Don’t ever let any man or woman even suggest otherwise.
In my mind I am not sure I even have a license to drive.lol
Lots of hugs,
Connie
September 22nd, 2006 at 1:34 am
i’ve always felt like a woman in my thirties…even when i was young… although sometimes people make me feel so young when they ID me when i buy wine. grrr. i’m like WHY??? oh….
September 22nd, 2006 at 4:16 am
This shocked me a little…do you really think men age quicker than women? It seems we get kicked in the male nether regions both ends of the life spectrum! When we’re in our teens we’re told that we’re too immature, we grow up less quickly than women. And now, suddenly, years later, it’s the other way round?! Me suspects there’s some of the female type propaganda going on!
Still, that said, I remember a year or so ago…people were shocked you were as old as you are! 
September 22nd, 2006 at 6:02 am
Well, when I think of me, I almost think of me being 17… And when I see my self in pictures I have to agree with M.
Have a nice day, my 24 years old friend
September 22nd, 2006 at 7:51 am
‘Act your shoe size, not your age’
Somebody wise.
September 22nd, 2006 at 10:00 am
sophie
oh sophie, we are not going to be the new Golden girls, are we?
polyman2
and you are always welcome here
erikku
me too. i think i am advanced intellectually but emotional maturity? as i said, 24 on a bad day.
wcdixon
gone
Cathy
xxx
you come join the Golden Girls with me and Sophie and Gina
fuff
thanks fuffy xx
EC
really? only the body? but this is so cruel. although the other way around would be even worse.
bedshaped
on a good day i am about 22, nothing has been decided yet. on a bad day i have at least finished university and graduate school.
stephanie
i hadn’t thought of that! you are absolutely right. The other day, he was watching the news on a music channel and heard that Bjork would join Sugarcubes again and couldn’t believe they have been around since 1986. “No way it’s been 20 years” he kept repeating.
Gina
you’ll be Blanche (see Sophie and Cathy above)
berlinbound
whenever i have seen you in a photo, you look fantastic. Who are you talking about?!
husker du
you’ll always be older than me! haha
ben
sigh!
for women that’s called mutton dressed as lamb. for men, it’s another story
ardent
i agree, let’s forget about how old we are.
devil
i must keep repeating this. 24, 24, 24.
kieran
because I AM Kieran!
jack
that was unexpectedy sweet of you Toerson. :)thanks.
Carol
there’s no way you are almost 50. you look 35.are you sure? check again.
Fibi
exactly, that’s what i am afraid of the most! what i feel.
M
i must download it for his birthday in October. hehe.thanks M.
pirate
exactly. not TOO young.
justacoolcat
but when the sun comes out we must remember to wear a high SPF
Jonathan America
come on, i am not that old.
connie
you are the sweetest.
it’s a good thing i never got a driver’s license! Hugs xxx
Vesper
you are emotionally and intellectually mature. I am immature that’s why we can relate!
dba
oh nooooo.
now people are going to think i am Dorian Gray.
Vista
xxx
then, don’t look at pictures. or use photoshop.
ultra
you know, i wear a european size. it’s bigger than my age!
September 22nd, 2006 at 4:58 pm
I think your husband was just reflecting on how he’s aged. You stay young through your passion and interests. You are full of passion and have a wide range of interests so you’ll be 24 for a very long time.
I think I was prematurely old during much of my twenties - I was in an isolating relationship with a man 13 years older than myself. At 31 I feel younger and more alive than I did for much of my twenties. In some ways it feels like a second chance at “youth”, but with the added responsibilities and social pressures of being a “proper grown up”. Kind of confusing, but much better than before.
September 22nd, 2006 at 5:15 pm
Yeah, sure, Dignified & old!
Recommended song: Jonathan Richman - Dignified and Old
hohoho
September 22nd, 2006 at 6:43 pm
I’ll be 24 too. But keep my kids. Eventually they’ll be my age and we can go out together
September 22nd, 2006 at 7:28 pm
Happy BD, and I’ll love ya when your 64! xoxo’s
September 23rd, 2006 at 11:13 am
I thought you were 24.
September 26th, 2006 at 2:16 am
Your not 24????? Could have fooled me! You look lovely!