Epiphanies come at the most unexpected moments. One came for me when I was 20 and on holiday with my then friends. The three of us were sharing a room and a fridge. Writing my name on my water bottle was frowned upon as definitely not the cool thing to do. So I would cheat by tearing the label a bit.
One of my friends was what you’d call an alpha female. A queen bee. I was oblivious to the fact I had to celebrate her, not because of any huge sense of self worth, but because I was in love with someone with my head in the clouds and oblivious to most things: eating, calling my parents and the like. Queen bee used to bring boys to our room when we weren’t there. We didn’t mind as long as they used her bed. But one night, while I was battling insomnia again (yes, from an early age) I heard her laughing in the corridor and talking to her German lover. Her lover annoyed me immensely because
a. he was dirty b. he was loud and rude c. he would always address me in german
It was clear they were going to have sex while I was in the room, supposedly sleeping. Other people may find this infuriating, and I do too, but the worst part was that the german lover, took off his Doc Martens and left them near my bed. Under my nose. Which was not a sexy thing to do. I am going to spare you the details, but to understand what is to follow, I am just going to say that they had oral sex. I know because she kindly asked him and he kindly said “yes”.
Merciful morning came and the German lover put his boots on and left. The queen bee related all the details of her night of passion, with some added sauce. “I am so thirsty” she said. “Give me your bottle from the fridge”. “I don’t have a glass” I answered. “I don’t need a glass, I can drink straight from the bottle, silly” she winked. “No you won’t. If I wanted a taste of him, I’d ask him too.” “You are JEALOUS!” she shouted. “I am going thirsty because you are paranoid and jealous of me”. And that was my moment of epiphany. I realized then that with people who have to be right by all means, I’d rather be called jealous, paranoid and silly, and have it my way.
July 9th, 2006 at 7:28 pm
Bravo! On soooo many levels. You go girl!
July 9th, 2006 at 7:59 pm
Eeeewww, just the thought of her drinking from your water bottle after THAT makes me feel ill !!! Yuck, yuck, double yuck !! Good on you for standing your ground, and glad her words didn’t hurt you. Take care, Meow
July 9th, 2006 at 8:04 pm
i have the same problem with my manager at work. well, except for the fact i don’t think she even dates at all, much less bring some guy back to the office for sex…
July 9th, 2006 at 9:19 pm
ROFLMAO!!! ewwwww i loved your comeback “No you won’t. If I wanted a taste of him, I’d ask him too.â€
clever thinking on your feet girl!!!!!
that is a good story.
July 9th, 2006 at 9:41 pm
reminds me of last weeks episode of Entourage when the boys uncouth friend from back home in NY crashes their place in LA, ‘doing’ a woman all night, and then sauntering into the kitchen the next morning and taking a swig out of the orange juice jug. Big ugh as the hero Vince enters the kitchen shortly thereafter and takes a swig himself.
Or…
Going on a bus roadtrip with a bunch of strangers down to Denver to see the Rolling Stones in 1981 -having to room with whoever they put me with, and having to endure a night much like you describe as my ‘buddy’ and the girl he hooked up had their way with each other. But had to bite my pillow to keep from laughing out loud when they kept getting each others name wrong.
“Nnngghh nnngggh - ohhhhh Janine!
Uh, it’s Sarah…Greg.
Sorry Sarah…and its Jim.”
etc.
July 9th, 2006 at 9:57 pm
Yes ! You’ve definitely got it right… and now, I feel dirty after having read about the German lover hahahaha - I feel like I need a shower. Stinky Docs ! Yuck!
July 10th, 2006 at 12:46 am
Ewwww ewwww ewwwwww ewwwwww and double ewwwwwww!! Give me jealous anyday over that! Actually,you reminded me of a girl i shared a house with. She had sex with her man on my lambswool rug in the lounge room! I had to get it cleaned twice before i could even think of standing on it again!
July 10th, 2006 at 1:42 am
How can people do it when there are other people in the room? Eww.
July 10th, 2006 at 2:22 am
A German in DMs?!?! She obviously had some dubious tastes irrespective of what occurred! :O
July 10th, 2006 at 2:52 am
Jealous, paranoid and silly… and hygienic. Ooof. That makes my stomach churn.
July 10th, 2006 at 6:31 am
Why do I have this feeling that you girls weren’t room mates for much longer after that incident ?
July 10th, 2006 at 8:47 am
Someone else’s boots near your bed. Yikes. And worse still - being addressed in German. Deary me.
Do you still suffer from insomnia?
That Ben (see above) looks a bit like Nigel from Spinal Tap. Or is that just me?
July 10th, 2006 at 8:51 am
Yicky roommate! And wonderful response from you…that’s the kind of line that I don’t think of until the next day, when it’s too late!
July 10th, 2006 at 8:55 am
as we say here, “She needed to be bitch slapped”
and I think you did, in your own way….
July 10th, 2006 at 9:33 am
damn. I now hate being right so often.
July 10th, 2006 at 12:01 pm
I think you grew up a little more on that day, good for you! Ehhwww, that’s so disgusting the whole story. People shouldn’t have to put up with other people’s intimacy. It’s all very nice but it’s between two people that should GET A ROOM for themselves
July 10th, 2006 at 12:12 pm
Great example of being assertive, and being right.
July 10th, 2006 at 2:44 pm
I have a similar pretending to be asleep whilst people are having sex story. In amongst the horror of it, being a pathetic male I found myself comparing performance-timewise and female sounds of pleasurewise. Being more of a coward than you, I’d have given up on the bottle.
July 10th, 2006 at 3:11 pm
Well said, indeed.
I don’t understand how people can do that with others in the room either, whether they are sleeping or not. Did they know you were awake while they were doing it? I would have made myself known and watched or just left.
July 10th, 2006 at 3:12 pm
Where are they now?
Performing on stage somewhere?
Question: Regarding beach picture what is the black shape coming out of the sea?
July 10th, 2006 at 4:35 pm
Way to go. Shared rooms are a cruel and unusual part of growing up. Atleast you gained a nice nugget of wisdom.
July 10th, 2006 at 5:18 pm
Yep, there goes that gag reflex… Ok, better now. It’s been a looong time since I’ve encountered someone like your Queen Bee. Glad you don’t have to put up with the likes of her anymore!
July 10th, 2006 at 6:20 pm
You could have poured the water over her, no doubt, freshly done hair!
But it would have been such a waste of good water…
July 10th, 2006 at 7:06 pm
Ewww that’s nasty but good for you for standing up :).
July 10th, 2006 at 7:55 pm
The NOIVE of them! And a ^5 to you Chloe.
July 10th, 2006 at 8:35 pm
I haven’t really read through your recent posts yet; I just wanted to say hello, and that I am back and I will read these properly as soon as I get a moment.
July 10th, 2006 at 9:23 pm
Jealous? Of what? Smelly german feet? Don’t think so.
I can’t believe she thought it was OK to swap spit (and other things) after all that. Obviously a queen bee personality, self-centered, and oblivious of others unless they do something for her.
July 11th, 2006 at 5:58 am
E.C
i must tell a story where i totally make the wrong choice. but i don’t know which one to choose.
meow
yuckety yucky yuck
moondog
she wants to drink from your bottle? blech. why don’t you fill it up with vodka instead? that’ll teach her.
gina
i had been practising that line all night Gina. She used to wake up every day asking for my bottle. So i knew it was coming.
wcdixon
ahahahaaaa!
in my case i don’t think she could pronounce his name anyway. I think “honey” was enough.
Amy
docs should be left out of the room at all times!
i should have let her have some water out of his boot.
michelle
i really can’t stand it when people don’t respect my interior design choices. on the lambswool rug!!!!
missy
because they are exhibitionists missy.
but i should have gotten up, turned on my bedside light and grabbed a book. Instant anti-climax.
Fly
the DMs were the best part of his attire Fly. you should have seen him. On a second thought, you are a good guy, so no, you shouldn’t!
Greg
i should have posted a warning “do not read during your lunch break”
ben
we went on holiday together many many many many years later. with our boyfriends. and that was the last time because during that time we had a huge fight and never ever made up, thank god.
roger
yes i do suffer from it, it comes and goes.
he doesn’t look like Nigel, he is Nigel.
Kimananda
but as i said to Gina, I was practising all night. she used to wake up every day and drink from my bottle so i was prepared.
cisco
thanks, that’s a compliment
xx
Steve
me too. that’s the price we have to pay for being perfect. a small price.
Devil
Exactly, to me the only problem was the privacy thing and of course HYGIENE!
Neil
it’s good to be me
Handsomeloser
but what can you do? You have to pass the time somehow. And as silent and discreet as possible. In my case, i had the boots to keep me company.
erikku
and watched?
ahahha. Erikku you are kinky.
Finn
the german guy, i don’t know. probably in germany. the ex friend has two kids. growing up in squalor, i imagine.
(that thing is a rock)
Coolcat
but a big price to pay eh? i mean boots under my nose and sex noises in german.
Sarafina
yep, she’s the kind of people we have to meet young, so we can grin and bear it. older people wouldn’t have made it.
scholiast
good mineral water, nooooo!!!
her hair used to stink too.
Clare
blech blech, what else could i do? i endured her night of passion, i was entitled to some fresh water.
Heidi
i am relentless in my quest for clean water.
Cathy
welcome back!
don’t read this one if you are hungry and want to have a bite.
it’s Yuck.
Crag
i like german people. and the german language. a lot in fact. but that person was very rude and admittedly dirty. okay he was camping, but i’ve seen many many many clean campers.
She was a bitch. A queen bitch in fact.