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Chemical reactions in my brain

Mon, May 8, 2006

Others have said it better

Goodbye things. Goodbye old Chloe, little girl in a school uniform and a heartbeat like ten galloping horses. Have you ever broken in tears without having a clue as to why? I don’t have a clue. It has been a nice and productive day. We had a photo shoot for the magazine and I made a zucchini and tomato tart, aubergine rolls filled with feta and chives and a lemon-ginger-mint sorbet.

After a little nap (I had only slept for 4 hours the previous night) I woke up in a strange and emotional mood. But it had nothing to do with sadness. Maybe it was chemical reaction in my brain. Here’s a favourite poem, by A.R. Ammons I found:

Hymn

I know if I find you I will have to leave the earth and go on out over the sea marshes and the brant in bays and over the hills of tall hickory and over the crater lakes and canyons and on up through the spheres of diminishing air past the blackset noctilucent clouds where one wants to stop and look way past all the light diffusions and bombardments up farther than the loss of sight into the unseasonal undifferentiated empty stark

And I know if I find you I will have to stay with the earth inspecting with thin tools and ground eyes trusting the microvilli sporangia and simplest coelenterates and praying for a nerve cell with all the soul of my chemical reactions and going right on down where the eye sees only traces

You are everywhere partial and entire You are on the inside of everything and on the outside

I walk down the path down the hill where the sweetgum has begun to ooze spring sap at the cut and I see how the bark cracks and winds like no other bark chasmal to my ant-soul running up and down and if I find you I must go out deep into your far resolutions and if I find you I must stay here with the separate leaves

A.R. Ammons

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22 Comments For This Post

  1. Steve Awesome Says:

    men dont cry we are big and strong. (yes I know what you mean)

  2. Stephanie Says:

    A good cry can work wonders I’ve found.

  3. Wriju Says:

    It is like one of those days when I am surrounded with friends and yet feel lonely.
    The poem is so beautiful :-)
    It is beautiful that someone would talk of light diffusion, coelentarates, crater lakes in a poem. Truth is everywhere, within or without.

  4. Devil Mood Says:

    Oh I cry all the time and most of the time it’s not sadness, it’s emotion. I must need to cry biologically because it wouldn’t make sense to cry over such stupid things. So maybe it is something physical.
    That poem is really nice. Love is everything.

  5. Sarafina Says:

    I cried during an allergy medicine commercial just this morning… I have issues… clearly…

    Loved the poem… what great imagery… Hope you’re well & no more tears! xo S

  6. Maddy Says:

    come away oh human child
    to the waters and the wild
    with a fairy hand in hand;
    for the worlds more full of
    weeping than you can understand…

    william butler yeats

  7. angel, jr. Says:

    Could the poem be about a child’s imagination and curiosity?

  8. Cathy Says:

    Freshly cut things are good; hair, flowers, ties that bind…

    And any poem that includes noctilucent clouds is included in my favourite poetry list.

    Good sleep, dear friend. xo

  9. DayByDay4-2Day Says:

    prehaps you are feeling that something is missing in your life? Write me will talk.

  10. gina Says:

    all the comments are so emotional and serene and i just want to know more about the yummy food you cooked and photographed! guess i am not so poetic, just hungry.
    blessings..

  11. Connie and Rob Says:

    Oh I have those days and it is just better to cry and get it over with…rather than trying to be strong.

    Then a nice bowl of ice cream always helps too!

    Take care,
    Connie

  12. Meow Says:

    I’m with Connie … what she said. I always find that a good cry makes me feel better, and puts things into a different perspective. That, and a block of chocolate !!!
    Take care, stay happy, Meow

  13. blackcrag Says:

    Now this is funny, you talking about crying… earlier today I started writing a post for Friday (the day is important to the post) and for some reason my eyes kept welling up.

    I didn’t actually cry, as Steve says, we men are big and strong, we don’t cry. But this was something similar to it. Maybe I had a speck of dust in my eye…

  14. Husker Du Says:

    At last, the good old blue Chloe, so emotional / i want one of those pills that brought on the chemical reaction in your brain :)
    just listening to The Doves-Caught by the river, my bad, i shoud have included this one to CD instead of ‘One of those Days’
    Cheers!

  15. Stephanie Says:

    That’s a very lovely poem :) I’ve found that most of my cry-for-no-reason cries have a specific biological reason, but don’t often figure it out until after I’ve had the cry.

  16. Chloe Says:

    Steve
    i am bigger and stronger, exactly because i cry (i know what you mean too)

    Stephanie
    it makes your eyes shine for a start!

    wriju
    it is everywhere and we can try to escape it for a while, but not forever.

    devil
    i know, yes, it must be biological. that’s why we women live longer. because we cry.

    sarafina
    M used to be moved by a coffee commercial on TV (not a fair trade coffee commercial, just regular coffee, i mean it wasn’t moving or anything. And he is a man)

    Maddy
    thanks for the Yeats poem!
    i wish i could meet that fairy.

    angel
    i don’t know! poems are open texts. they can be about anything you want them to be.

    Cathy
    thank you :) we need to email each other. I am going to do it first.
    xxx

    day
    oh day, things are missing from human life in general. because we are incomplete. i am never worried too much about things missing unless they are really crucial things. But no, such things are not missing.
    I wasn’t sad. I was overwhelmed with an unknown emotion i didn’t know how to handle, so i cried.

    Gina
    food is poetry!
    i am going to post pictures, so you’ll know. Artsy fartsy poems are good but stuffed eggplants are better.

    Connie
    hey nice new photo!
    i did that. i had some sorbet, not real ice cream, but i had made it and it tasted good. xx

    meow
    yes i agree kitty. however i didn’t know what i was crying about. still don’t. (crazy? me?)

    crag
    oh Crag. you men never clean the house and dust always gets in your eyes, doesn’t it?
    xxxxx

    Husker
    i wasn’t blue Du. Not at all.
    Do you prefer me blue? because that’s not me. I am very emotional but i am seldom blue. In fact, feeling things deeply makes me happy. You?

    Stephanie
    maybe i forgot to take the little blue pill.
    we are slaves to biology, i hate that! :)

  17. Husker Du Says:

    yes, i’m always blue, err…i prefer the word melancholic /that’s the way i live my life and sense the things around me/ :)

  18. Chloe Says:

    Du
    if that’s the way you are naturally, it means you can be happy that way. I believe that. Melancholy and happiness are not incompatible. x

  19. Jack P Toerson Says:

    I had something similar while watching a documentary about Chernobyl. I was in a very depressed state out of the blue, affected me far more deeply than I thought it would.

    But, in your case, I think maybe when these things come out of the blue they’re caused by something. It doesn’t have to be big things, just lots of little things. Unimportant problems can have that affect. They build up like pressure in a volcano.

    Hopefully it won’t errupt for a while now you’ve releived the pressure with a cry.

  20. Sarafina Says:

    Must have been one of those super Hallmarky Folgers coffee commercials… son coming home from college, etc. etc… :o) LOL!

  21. Maja Says:

    yes

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