Nuts
I have often asked myself, if at some point I was very sad for a long time, if I kept on feeling miserable and tired with everything, if I would keep on telling the truth here in my blog, or if, having made friends with so many of you, I would refrain from writing things as they really are, and simply go on writing answers to questionnaires, or trivial things that wouldn’t alarm anybody.
Because I’d hate to sound miserable, even if it was only me reading this. More than that, I know some of you would worry, and I’d hate that too. But I realized it is already too much trying to be cheerful in front of my son and my parents and I wouldn’t have the strength to pretend here as well. And then I thought it’s okay, this is not a stage and I don’t have to perform. So I must be honest, I am very sad and this no work situation is driving me to despair. But I am not very sad every day, nor do I feel despair every day.
Some days I feel hopeful and creative and say to myself I just have to persevere in my efforts. And I cook and listen to music and write and do whatever I have to do. But some other dark days, I can’t get out of bed because I feel tired and worn out. These are the days I avoid writing here, just like I avoid all people. And I decided not to do that anymore. When I am sad I’m going to say so. It’s not only a release, because I don’t need a release online. It’s just the honest thing to do.
I don’t believe in projecting the happy person image all the time and just like everybody else, sometimes not only am I not happy, I am remarkably unhappy. I know there are people losing people, illnesses and war and death but this has never been the way for me to measure things up. In other words, I can’t feel very happy because I am not dying or starving to death. If this were the case I would also feel very unhappy because other people work and feel secure and I don’t. But I don’t feel that either.
March 1st, 2006 at 12:47 pm
You are not alone in any of this. It’s okay to be or sound miserable because you are human. That it’s a pile-up of life’s little tragedies instead of one great huge one (like war or death) doesn’t make it any less valid. I’ll e-mail you when I have time to sit and think some more. It’s not the stuff of a hasty reply. Hang in there!
March 1st, 2006 at 1:26 pm
Dear Chloe, I’m sorry to read this… I hope you’ll find something interesting soon so you can show your talents. Please don’t be afraid of showing yourself. We should all be ourselves on our blogs, and we’re all here to comfort each other when the one or the other needs comfort. If you don’t want to show your sadness on your blog, then email me and we’ll chat, maybe I could cheer you up!
March 1st, 2006 at 1:49 pm
Chloe, I so know how you feel (especially the no work situation). And I don’t know what to say cause I’m feeling the same way. But definitely don’t be shy about posting about it. It’s part of your experience.
March 1st, 2006 at 1:50 pm
Anais Nin said that she believed
(she was a therapist)
that self knowledge through
journaling was the source of
personal liberation. So you
are on the right track!
And you surrounded by a great
number of readers who love
YOU because you are real
and honest and bright -
and talented.
Speaking of which, your new
blog is wonderful - so the
key here is you ARE forward moving-
everyone loves to escape and sleep
in! I actually think - and it’s
hard with children - that a
vacation somewhere hot and
“ocean-y” can do wonders.
Smiles!
March 1st, 2006 at 2:35 pm
…also walnuts are supposed to
be great for sadness - so eat
those nuts up!!!
Smiles!
March 1st, 2006 at 2:50 pm
call me sarcastic, but I don’t believe in people who’re always happy and in a “supergreat” mood. I doubt that has anything to do with reality. is probably even a sign for brain damage.
I think it’s healthy to question yourself and aspects of your life every once in a while. keeps ya grounded and on your toes. opens your eyes for yourself and the world around you.
you have a RIGHT to be sad, you’re human after all. the moment the aliens come and give out new rules is the moment you can start to think everything has to be hillarious.
xxx
(…a horse comes into a bar, says the barman, hey, why such a long face?)
March 1st, 2006 at 3:20 pm
I once went and stood on a chair in the stable and threw a rope over a beam and then put it round my neck - I didn’t tie the rope to the beam, I had no intention of hanging myself, I was just acting out how I felt - for no reason, just flat and miserable.
Later I wrote a play with that starting point, except it wasn’t about me it was about a Zambian woman in London. The play was later on at the Riverside Studios.
I stil feel flat and miserable sometimes, but most times I don’t, and quite often I feel fairly happy. You will too - as you’ve said, as you know.
x jago
March 1st, 2006 at 3:30 pm
Είμαι σίγουÏος πώς να βÏίσκεις κάτι καινοÏÏιο! Είσαι καλή και το ξÎÏεις ακόμα. Μην κλαις και κάνε κουÏάγιο! ΠαÏατηÏείς αυτό το διάλειμμα ως ευκαιÏία για κάτι καινοÏÏιο – καλÏτεÏο!
φιλια!
March 1st, 2006 at 3:41 pm
Chloe;
This is the right thing to do. To be open and honest and not to try and pretend things are as they are not. And don’t worry about upsettig us and worrying us; we will just care for you and think about you and hope that things get better and then when they do (which they will) we can share in your happiness and excitement.
Allow yourself the time to just think and be sad. Sometimes we need to wallow for awhile. When I am in a really bad mental place I read the Tao. It helps, it really helps me. Allow yourself to indulge in the things that will make you feel happy, or contemplative. Live temporarily in the moment. No thoughts of the future; just each moment. This makes things feel so much more manageable. When you feel like you can think about next week, then go there, and then start expanding your time frame.
I made the soup recipe you gave me today and I wanted your permission to post the recipe, but then I thought of an idea; why not give recipes to interested blog friends to try and then they can photograph what they’ve made; proof that the recipes can be done and taste good; and this could form the basis of your cookbook?…
Oh, and I am deathly allergic to walnuts! No recipes with walnuts for me please!
KISSES AND HUGS AND ROLL UP IN A COZY BLANKET NOW!
March 1st, 2006 at 4:12 pm
This is why we are here-not just for the witty anecdotes and questionnaire response, but also for the times when our heart needs to comment on what it feels. As you reminded me once, we have to put on brave and smiling faces for the rest of the world, so this is where we should be able to bear our sorrows. As you can see from those who posted before me–many feel the same way…so why not always post honestly how you are feeling and perhaps we can help you through it or at the very elast, just be here to say that we hear and understand your troubles.
March 1st, 2006 at 4:16 pm
thank you all so much. it feels good having you near. things got slightly worse an hour ago(when the computer doctor said there is something wrong with the hard disk too, not just the motherboard, so i might have lost most of my work, not to mention my music and photographs)
Stephanie
okay! it’ll be good to hear from you. xx
ruby
sweet ruby thanks, we’ll chat as soon as i have my computer back xx
kimananda
it’s part of my experience. somehow this phrase makes it all sound a bit more distant and manageable. thanks.
madelyn
this works both ways. i wouldn’t be as honest if i didn’t have you and the other friends on the other end of the blog.
daria
ahahaahaha. this is better than my old man joke. you are good xxxxx
jago
i know i will be better. but i don’t know when.
really? about the play? so lovely, such a gloomy moment brought on such light.
gurgo
πότε θα ÎÏθεις να πιοÏμε καμιά μπÏÏα?? χχ
Cathy
i can think about next week already. but i used to be able to think about next year, which i can’t do anymore.
I’m going to try the Tao it’s the kind of wisdom that suits me. thanks Cathy!
Your idea is great. Do you think my recipes can be put to the test? It’s a bit terrifying but interesting too. So you made the soup! That’s great, was it good?
It’s part me part Martha (she doesn’t know, but sometimes i collaborate with her :))
March 1st, 2006 at 4:18 pm
etchen
hehe sometimes my own advice comes back to haunt me. joking, you are right and i was never going to pretend. it wouldn’t be fair to me or to you, we all deserve some honesty.
March 1st, 2006 at 4:27 pm
CHloe;
Oh no, more bad computer news.ugh!
The soup is wonderful: I took a photo; do you want me to send it to you to post or would you like me to? I really like this idea and it would give me an incentive to try more cooking….I think other blog friends would really like the idea as well…baking and cooking from the blogs
March 1st, 2006 at 4:36 pm
I think that writing sometimes helps. And I do hope things begin to make you feel better. It’s no fun being in that mood. But it usually doesn’t last, and there is light at the end of the tunnel even if it is difficult to see sometimes :-).
March 1st, 2006 at 4:42 pm
Cathy
it’s the product of your effort so you post it! and it’s a great idea and i’d love to try your baking recipes.
I’m just looking at the photos you sent me. I’m going to send an email to zhouzhou to say thanks for the beautiful rosy cheeks on my computer screen xx
Jack
it’ll pass but until then, all my blog friends are going to suffer!
March 1st, 2006 at 5:07 pm
I am really sorry to hear how unhappy you are feeling. It is plain to see how important you are to a lot of people here and now that they know how you are feeling then maybe they can try to help you as you have helped them.
My first blog was all about getting over my ex. It was a great comfort to write about the hurt I was feeling, but I was also amazed by the support I got from total strangers in internetdom. Hopefully you will find the same feeling by writing about your experience.
Hang in there.
March 1st, 2006 at 5:09 pm
I’m glad you decided to open up and be sad when you’re feeling sad. Like I said to Finn the other day, what’s the point of having a blog if you can’t be yourself in it and moan whenever you feel like moaning? I’ve wondered about those things too - should we express our unhappiness? Aren’t we going to upset other people? But, like you said, you already have to worry about those things in real life. Here you can be just Chloe. Stay strong
March 1st, 2006 at 5:17 pm
Feel free to post anything you like, especially if it helps in any way!
I hope you’ll be feeling better soon.
*hug*
March 1st, 2006 at 5:17 pm
Well I can relate. Now that I’m hitting 4 months unemployed I’m starting to get spouts of depression. Someimtes to the point of not getting out of my pjs or taking a shower. Then I kick myself the next day do things. However it is much easier to sit around and be sad. I’m also eating to cheer myself up and thatmakes me gain weight and that makes me depressed.
A visious cycle!
I do think that using your blog as a way to release some of your fustrations might be good for you.
sending (((hugs))) your way!
March 1st, 2006 at 5:40 pm
in other words…βεντοÏζα, ετσι…hahaha.
wish me good luck, next week i’m going to OTE Kifisias premises for the interview.
I feel sick and down like you the last 3-4 weeks. Now that i’m making your new CD compilation, i feel a bit better
See U!
March 1st, 2006 at 6:36 pm
Chloe,
I hope you know that I am here for you no matter what…that means happy or sad. It is your blog for you to be able to express yourself. Please talk and I will listen.
I do hope someone is smart enough to snatch you up soon so you can get back to using those precious talents of yours.
Hugs, Connie
March 1st, 2006 at 7:04 pm
sister i hear you loud and clear. I think we are riding the same wave on opposite sides of this big old ball we’re on.
i know because of my own demons that there is absolutely nothing i can say or anyone else to pull you out of the murky feeling other then tell you I care nd my hand is here anytime you need it.
March 1st, 2006 at 8:07 pm
It’s okay to be miserable. I like to think that writing this down helps to alleviate these feelings.
March 1st, 2006 at 9:32 pm
i am ready for the long haul, girlfriend. blog on with your feelings -many hugs and prayers for my sweet Greek friend.
March 1st, 2006 at 9:45 pm
Like everyone else seems to say, you’re not the only one. I’ve been feeling the same.. it’s so hard to get out of bed in the mornings at the moment, but I do get up, not for myself but because I’m at work and I have to. Otherwise I think I would stay in bed all day.
I’ve been sad but I have nothing to be sad about, which is the most frustrating thing about it. After not talking to anyone about it for weeks, I finally wrote emails to Geezer and also to my parents telling them how I felt and Geezer and I had a long talk and I feel better for now. It’s just sitting in the background at the moment.
I hope you get a wonderful and fulfilling job or purpose or just something soon and feel better most days
I’ll make a wish for you.
xox
March 1st, 2006 at 9:55 pm
Its trying to balance it all isn’t it? How much do we share and how much do we keep to ourselves?
March 1st, 2006 at 10:46 pm
Aw, Chloe, it is sad to hear that you are feeling so sad, but I am glad you are able to write about it. We in blogland don’t always expect happy, cheerful posts … your blog is your blog to do with what you need. Sometimes we need to write down how we feel … it may help get things into perspective. We are not here to judge, or anything like that. We are here to hear you, and to be here for you, should you need us to be. Hope things begin to pick up for you soon. I’m sure there will be work for you soon … you are such a talented person. Take care, Chloe, and look after yourself. Hugs and positive thoughts are coming your way, from Meow
March 1st, 2006 at 11:25 pm
There is no such thing as eternal happiness. We all have our “good” and our “bad” days
You aren’t alone at all. Its just a part of being human
And if you do consider all of us your friends you must tell us so we can cheer you up
now cheer up ! a good cup of coffee will do wonders
March 1st, 2006 at 11:43 pm
Without blogging, I’d be a gonner by now. I hit low, really low, last December and I wore it on my blog sleeve with no shame. But folks stood by me, offered advice, and , I think, liked me all the more for my honesty.
Ganbarre!
March 2nd, 2006 at 3:52 am
Chloe welcome to the blogosphere! If blogging isn’t for putting down our sad and painful moments as well as our joys, it shouldn’t exist.
allow me to write a Greek poem for you.
“Ας τη βάÏκα στο κÏμα οπου θÎλει να Ï„ÏÎχει
ας οÏίζει το αÎÏι τιμόνι, πανί
τα φτεÏά άπλωσε πλÎÏια, άκÏη ο κόσμος δεν Îχει
είναι πιό όμοÏφοι οι άγνωÏοι πάντα γιαλοί
η ζωή μιά δÏοσιά είναι Îνα κÏμα
ας το φÎÏει όπου θÎλει το αÎÏι
όπου ξÎÏει το αÎÏι.
Τι γυÏεÏεις, τι θÎλεις μη και ÏƒÏ Ï„Î¿ γνωÏίζεις?
κι Îχεις πιάσει ποτΠσου το τι κυνηγάς?
μη όπου σπÎÏνεις καλό το κακό δε θεÏίζεις?
δε σκοντάβεις σε Ïώτημα σε ÏŒ,τι Ïωτάς?
και ÏŒ,τι σ΄εχει μαγÎψει, κι ÏŒ,τι σου Îχει γελάσει
το Îχεις μόνη κεÏδίσει, μοναχή ετοιμάσει?
Ασε τότε το κÏμα όπου θÎλει να σπάζει
ας τις ζάλες να σÎÏνουν τυφλά την καÏδιά
κι αν Ï„ÏιγÏÏω βογγά, κι αν ψηλά συννεφιάζει
κάπου ο ήλιος σε κάποιο γιαλό θα γελά
κι αν πικÏÏŒ την ψυχή σου το δάκÏÏ… τη Ïαίνει
πάντα κάπου κÏυφτή μιά χαÏά την Ï€ÏοσμÎνει.” Κ. Χατζόπουλος.
March 2nd, 2006 at 4:47 am
Chin up Chloe, hope you’re feeling better today.
Look forward to kites on Monday!
March 2nd, 2006 at 6:33 am
I think the best thing is to be first honest to your self, and to get a clue what helps on those dark days. Is it sometimes good for you staying in bed, doing nothing?
Of course you do it then.
Is it better to write things down into your blog, cry while writting your post, let the keyboard swim, then do it.
This is YOUR blog, not ours. You aren’t, as you well said, a performer, an entertainer for us. Of course we like it, when you are writting silly, or light and happy stuff, but you aren’t writting for us. You do it for your self!
A big hug and sunny smiles from Germany
March 2nd, 2006 at 7:35 am
Big Hugs Chloe…I understand completely as I’m going through my own funk. Atleast your pouring out your thoughts and not keeping them in..Beleive me if i were to fully open up it would not be enjoyable for all to read.
I hope you feel better asap! You have many friends here for support.
March 2nd, 2006 at 7:49 am
Stephanie
You do help and they do help. Just the feeling that i am understood is enough. and i get all those caring emails too, it makes me want to hug everybody to death (well, almost)
thank you, Stephanie
devil mood
isn’t it exhausting to pretend? not just here but everywhere. I only do it for kids, sick people and old people. We don’t belong in any of these groups.
day
can we compare pyjamas? shower gels?
we’ll be okay, you’ll see. You make such wonderful jewlery, i wish you could have your own atelier and create things all day and give them to big stores.
scholiast
thank you, hugs are always welcome
husker
good luck! i hope they have some sense still in them and get you before anybody else does. tell me how it went xx
Connie
I know! that’s the best part. I know you’ll listen. And it feels great.
pirate
i know you care and it would be great if we could offer each other solutions. but it’s still okay because we know that we all go through the same things, male or female, in different parts of the world, pirates or buccaneers xx
angel
oh i’m going to write down every little detail, and you’ll be sick of me angel!
gina
thanks Gina, you are the sweetest.
xx
maja
i’m sorry! i thought this kind of thing wouldn’t happen in Australia! No joking, maybe it’s being away from people you love, or working too much? maybe a little bit of everything?
Make a wish for me little fairy, i’ll make one for you.
Finn
i decided to tell everything as it is. no balancing. at least, everything i let myself know.
Meow
writing down things helps a lot. it also gives you a sense of the ridiculous when you go back and read it which is a good thing too. You kind of laugh at yourself and shrug and go make some dinner. Does it make sense? xx
true blue
just one? one cup of coffee? do you think i’m running on mineral water?
owenwilson
but you are better now eh? i hope you are
marina
Îœ’αÏÎσει Ï€Î¿Î»Ï Î¿ Χατζόπουλος! Από το σχολείο μου άÏεσε αλλά δεν κάναμε πολÏ. ΕυχαÏιστώ, Ï€Î¿Î»Ï ÏƒÏ€Î¿Ï…Î´Î±Î¯Î¿ ποίημα. Θα πεÏιμÎνω την κÏυφή χαÏά.:)
fuff
going to be high as a kite on monday and eat lagana bread
vista
is it sunny there? it is sunny here. hugs are welcome, the more the better xxxxx
March 2nd, 2006 at 7:53 am
heidi
being enjoyable shouldn’t be of importance during difficult times. it’s not fair!
but even if you don’t write about it i hope there is someone you talk to. it would be lonely if you didn’t. you’ve got my email, you can talk whenever you feel like it. xx
March 2nd, 2006 at 4:09 pm
Here’s to some sunshine xxxxxxx
That’s we all need!
March 2nd, 2006 at 10:17 pm
Sometimes I think that our happiness is dependant upon our ability to let people know that we need their good thoughts and the to let those thoughts reach us.
If we don’t know our friends are hurting sometime we cannot help them. Helping others becomes helping ourselves rise above troubles.
So by me sending a big blog hug to you and wishing good for you I, all of us, are comforted.
(((chloe)))
that’s an old school chatters hug.
March 3rd, 2006 at 7:19 pm
Lagana, ax! I’m going to have to make some, as you can only get it in London.
I’ll have to make up for it with a lobster!
Hope you’re feeling better.
March 7th, 2006 at 5:09 am
hey, relax sweety!…..each person has his/her phase to face…though i’m not the right person to say all these wise words coz i too feel so engulfed in my sadness that there’s no way out, nontheless i do atleast try and you always coming out as a mature, happy go lucky person(even it might be pretension) you’ll sail through these difficult times too and guess it’s ok sometimes to feel the way you do…for now take care :)…a *warm hug* coming especialy for you.