No matter how much you prepare for Christmas, there’s always something missing, isn’t there? I don’t like the idea of magical, fairytale Christmas, because it makes all the people who don’t experience it, sadder. The truth is, that all you can do is try to see the beauty in things around you, in sweets, toys, decorations and lights. And you try to give some joy to those you love, along with presents and cards. And you know that the 25th of December is never going to be all you had been dreaming of.
But it doesn’t matter, as long at it is some of the things you wanted and some nice memories went to the big memories trunk.
I have never experienced fairy tale Christmas –I am not sure that it exists- and some of the past were far from fairytale. I love my mother very much and life as I know it now wouldn’t have been possible without her. But she really didn’t know how to celebrate Christmas. She never invited anybody, except maybe for a lonely old person from the neighbourhood, out of pity. The picture I have from Christmas at home is my mother cleaning the house maniacally and being grumpy. Apparently holidays gave her lots of stress and she knew she wasn’t good at having fun. So she just waited for Christmas to pass. Being very religious gave her the excuse that Christmas was more about going to church and fasting and less about celebrating.
Since I left home I have been consciously trying not to see these images. Trying to make Christmas special is not something I inherited, it’s something I try to create now, not only for my son and M. but for me as well.
This Christmas has been very special for three reasons.
The first is that for the first time I had so much free time to do all the things I wanted to do: make cards, bake cookies, decorate, buy presents early. Because I didn’t have to go to work.
The second, and very important reason is that it’s the first Christmas I share with you. You made it easier, more colourful and meaningful. I got little presents and cards from all over the world. That was very special.
The third reason is that this is my cat’s last Christmas. She is 19 now and the last few days has stopped eating. She only drinks water and getting thinner and thinner. I know she only has some days left. I am going to miss her terribly although I haven’t been living with her since I left my parents’ house 8 years ago. She is very old, but to me, she’ll always be the little kitten I found in a shoebox.
How was it for you?
Mon, Dec 26, 2005
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December 26th, 2005 at 9:02 am
Dear Chloe;
We had a wonderful magical Chistmas and I will share it with you and others later this week. Christmas, ironically, for me, is the one time of year that my mother came out of herself and made things magic.
I am so sorry to hear about your cat. This must be so hard to go through.I am thinking of you and your family.
I am also thankful for this blog now as well. It is a special thing, to share our lives so intimately with so many people.
My love to you.
Cathy
December 26th, 2005 at 9:02 am
Chloe -
The card you sent was beautiful, so I’m happy you had time to make them too! I second the sentiment about blogfriends.
Since I’ve been a “grown-up” my expectations of Christmas have changed so much. It’s nice because right now we have only about 10 people at the table, and they are none of the critical “what are you doing with your life?” relatives I avoid at all costs.
From the photos you’ve posted, I’d say you are doing an excellent job of turning Christmas into joy and celebration
I just lost my childhood cat last year (also at 18 or 19), and then the one I had in college 2 months ago (at about 11). Neither was still living with me, but I know how sad it is
Hope you made some happy memories this year
December 26th, 2005 at 10:38 am
The only Christmas that really felt like a fairytale Christmas to me was back in ‘94, or at least, it seems that way in my memories of it. I and my brother got lots of presents, it snowed the whole day, and there was this generally warm feeling that seems lost or diminished in Christmases now. I was 11 or 12 then, and it just really felt like what everyone had sold Christmas to be.
Sorry about your cat. I can’t say I know what it feels like to lose a pet, but I’d think it would not be easy, even if I hadn’t been with it in a while.
December 26th, 2005 at 11:04 am
I am sorry about your cat, I had 2 dogs and it was hard for me as one of them died at the age of 16.
I know very well this “not being able to celebrate feasts” problem. In my family it is just like this. My sisters and I are working though on changing our ways, surely not that good as you do.
I am sure happy you had a special Christmas to remember.
December 26th, 2005 at 11:49 am
I always anticipate a better Christmas than I usually get. But when I look back on the previous years, I find that Christmas was much more than I could have hoped. Family getting together and showing each other how much they missed one another.
And for me, it’s the birth of my savior Jesus. My family and several other families that we’ve grown up with have celebrated the birth of Jesus, with 9 days of prayer. We’ve been doing this now for 28 years.
December 26th, 2005 at 11:54 am
this christmas was short on material goods for me, but i did get enough christmas money to pay off a few of my most pressing bills that are due next week. and when it comes down to it, i could do without the material things for not having to sleep on the ground outside.
i’m sorry to hear about your cat, but 19 is an incredibly long life for a cat. i’m sure you took the best care of it. i had to put down one of my cats a few months ago, but another one found me two days later. i wrote the story out a little in my blog. i’m sure you’ll have a good cry over her when she’s gone, but just realize that she’s led a very good long life for a kitty.
December 26th, 2005 at 1:32 pm
Oh my dear Cloe, its now two years ago when I lost my friend Charly (he was a 14 years old German Shepherd) and it was a quite hard time for me.
No he lives as a star at the Orion sign and on X-mas, when this sign is visible from my window I am used to put a candle in the window as a greating to him!
This candle is not only for him it is for all my friends too and if you are sometimes sad - just close your eyes and you will see a light - small and quite far away - thats mine!
filakia
December 26th, 2005 at 1:43 pm
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth,
My two front teeth, see my two front teeth.
Gee, if I could only have my two front teeth,
Then I could wish you “Merry Christmas.”
Îα σου πω την αλήθεια, η υποχÏεωτική και Ï€ÏογÏαμματισμÎνη ευτυχία των ΧÏιστουγÎννων μου Ï€ÏοκαλοÏσε πάντα αμηχανία και κατάθλιψη.
ΜποÏείς να το μεταφÏάσεις σε παÏακαλώ, γιατί τα Αγγλικά μου είναι χάλια και δεν θα μου βγει καλό
Cheers!
December 26th, 2005 at 2:27 pm
Chloe, I believe you are doing a beautiful job arranging everything the way you dreamt Christmas. To me fairytale Christmas do exist, in my case it was like that in my childhood, so I know it is there somewhere. Positive, the key to the Christmas spirit belongs to the children, they can trully see the magic that is there on these special dates and remain it to us.
Big hug to your kitty (((X)))
December 26th, 2005 at 3:29 pm
Chloe..I don’t celebrate Christmas as u know..But during the past week I have enjoyed your blog entries and photo’s. I think u have done a great job with your family sharing the Christmas spirit.
I am so sorry about your Cat..I’m such a animal/dog lover and that is the reason why I can’t get one of my own..I’m have been a step-aunti to 2 and it’s just to hard when that time comes…You just have to keep saying they are not in pain or suffering anymore.
More hugs~
December 26th, 2005 at 4:03 pm
Thanks for your Christmas greeting! Being home with the whole family doesn’t leave a lot of time for blogging, but I’m trying to enjoy it anyhow
See you…
December 26th, 2005 at 4:23 pm
I’m glad you had “your” Christmas and I know you enjoyed it, not only the day itself but all the preparations before. Nowadays I have a different attitude towards Christmas because the last years left me very dissappointed with what happened, probably because I wasn’t a kid anymore and some of the magic had faded and allowed me to see some less nice things about Christmas. Now I try not to have too many expectations about it and the truth is there are always some moments that capture that old magic and that make these days worth it. But there are also things that still dissapoint me about people, their hypocrisy, greed..But some moments still suprise me and leave me pleased.
I’m really sorry about your cat, you must be really used to having her, if not around you, then just its existence in your family. I can’t imagine what it’ll be like when I lose my dog. He’s been around for 12 years and everytime he gets sick my heart shrinks. He’s like a real person to me.
December 26th, 2005 at 5:23 pm
Chloe, you managed to put some pre-Christmas sort of mood here through your blog, so don’t worry, you’re pretty good at that! I think sad experiences can make people do even better than others!
Sorry to hear about your cat. I have lost a few of them. It is a sad thing indeed… and no other cat will ever replace the little kitten you once saved. But I’m sure you’re in its heart.
December 26th, 2005 at 8:32 pm
So sad about your kitty..you made me think back to my mother..it was the same way.. I approach it totally differnet so as not to be the broodign woman she was…. Oh That cat ornament in the pic.. My ex almost mother-in-law and I made lots of felt ornaments one year for our trees..She is a greman woman..and the time and care it took to make these sweet little ornaments did teach me to see the beauty in things..and my kids love those ornamennts the best!
December 26th, 2005 at 8:40 pm
It has been great having people like you in my life this year for christmas.
December 26th, 2005 at 10:15 pm
I had two great Christmas dinners, and two fun-filled evenings with friends. My only worry is, since I am such a night bird, that I outstayed my welcome because I didn’t want the night to end.
I wasn’t with family, but I am lucky in that my friends take great care of me.
From knowing you through your blog these past few months, I have no doubt you make everyone around you believe in the magic of Christmas.
I am also pleased to share Vesper’s “Cozy†writing blog award with you.
December 26th, 2005 at 11:11 pm
Chloe,
Christmas seems to have a different spin on it every year. It never meets expectations but I have to say this one was pretty good. It is hard to get a large group of people together and have everyone in the best of moods.
It is so important when we get out on our own so that we can start our own traditions and do things we feel are right for the holiday. I think you are a person that makes the most of every day so I am sure Christmas is no exception.
I am so sorry to hear about your cat. It is hard to lose a dear pet but they bring us so much joy while they are here…they will be in our hearts forever.
Hugs to you. Connie
December 27th, 2005 at 4:08 am
That’s sweet about your kitten. I had a cat that was older than I was until I was 18. Her eyes turned white and she was completely blind and had trouble walking, our “Muffy” who had countless litters. Now, years later, I wonder how many of the stray cats are distant relatives of hers. The day after Christmas and sometimes Christmas itself can be a let-down. We save up so much excitement during the season, and then we want it perfect. I hope can keep the spirit of generousity and sharing going. Anyway, it’s a thoughtful time. Thank you for sharing this with me, and best wishes as we look towards 2006!
December 27th, 2005 at 6:15 am
Christmas is great. I got a day off work. Rock n roll.
December 27th, 2005 at 9:16 am
Stephanie
i have banned these relatives long ago. I don’t even call them. I think it was 2003 when i made a conscious effort to simplify holidays and life in general. So I don’t do nosey relatives anymore!
I am so glad you liked the card. It’s because i don’t do relatives that i have the time for cards
blondie says friends are her family. it’s the same with me. My family are friends and my friends are family.
Cathy
I’m sure it must have been magical. It was the babe’s first Christmas too!
I’m going to email you with more.
xx
erikku
to have an image of perfect Christmas is enough because then you are able to recreate it when you can.
Hugs Erikku and thanks for the lovely card.
vista
i know a couple of families like that. somehow joy is difficult to them when all you have to do really is let go. It’s not easy, but it’s not impossible.
angel
i think it’s great that your Christmas is mainly religious. To me, any kind of spirituality is helpful. Sometimes i have it, sometimes i don’t. i’ll find my place eventually.
moondog
thank you!
the hardest part is that there is no provision in Greece for deceased pets. You either have to break the law, and bury them somewhere or throw them away in a bag, which i am definitely NOT doing. So, there is not the consolation of visiting her somewhere with a few flowers.
Gurgo
euxaristo!
that’s a great thought. such a great thought.
husker du
you said that you wanted me to translate this, so there it is:
“the obligatory and pre-planned happiness of Christmas always made me feel awkward and depressed.”
I know what you mean. Many people feel like that. To me it’s not obligatory, i just get genuinely excited with the fairy light, the decorations and all aspects of Christmas. But if i felt like you, in Christmas, i’d escape in a land where there is no Christmas, like a tropical island maybe. Start saving for next year!
omara
so it helps being childish, like me!
xx thanks!
heidi
thank you. i read some of your traditions and actually found out that Hannukah is not very important from a religious point of view! I was stunned!
I am going to keep reading.
As for pets: I don’t think i’ll ever get another cat. The pain is too much for me to go through more than 3 times (i have 3 cats).
xxx
scholiast
thanks! you must be super busy, but we’ll find time to talk later.
Devil mood
i hope your dog lives for many many years more. Pets are so precious.
December 27th, 2005 at 10:48 am
ΧÏονια πολλα κουκλα και καλες γιοÏτες!!!Îα χαιÏεσαι το αγοÏακι σου και την οικογενεια σου!Îα εισαι καλα και να τα πεÏνας ακομη καλυτεÏα!!!
December 27th, 2005 at 10:50 am
Oh, noo, i’m sure, all these foolish Greeks travel to the tropical islands for Christmas time and i don’t want to meet them, i prefer to stay in my hometown
Btw, i”ll upload later some nice photos with the Christmas Ship and my lovely funny Christmas song ‘All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth’
December 27th, 2005 at 4:08 pm
Ruby
Thank you sweet Ruby. She is never going to be replaced. She is my first pet. She’s been through so much with me.
Candi
hand made stuff is always nicer but i can’t take credit for that one. It’s from Accesorize. Seeing the beauty in things is a very rare gift. Which is strange because beautu itself is not rare at all.
daybyday
it’s been great having you too. we live so far away, are so different in so many ways, yet we all seem to want the same 2-3 things.
Blackcrag
I know! We are winners!
You still haven’t got my card have you? And i sent it by express mail but it seems that Canada is so far away.
Connie
Thank you Connie!
I try to make my own traditions. I want my son to be able to say he used to have nice Christmas with us.
Thank you about your kind words. I wishg you many many happy years with your dogs, they are really special.
sirbarrett
hey welcome here.
you know, the thing about pets is there is not a single ugly memory for us to recall so we can make the pain a bit less. everything they do is nice and kind and pure.
About Christmas, i agree, it can be a bit of an anti-climax. But i want to keep gathering good memories. When i am old and forgetful, i’ll make up one big, great, perfect Christmas in my mind, using all the memories of Christmas past.
Steve
do i detect some sarcasm? you are sentenced to watch BBC’s “A Christmas Carol” everyday for the next month.
drugstv
ευχαÏιστώ Îίκο! να είσαι πάντα καλά και πάντα Ï„ÏιγÏÏω.
husker du
i’m going to check!
you are right about tropical islands. mmm, what about China?
December 27th, 2005 at 5:12 pm
I’m sorry about the kitty friend but am glad you had many years together.
We are still (or once again) sick here. The holidays have been tiresome and never ending. I just want sunshine and healthy lungs again.
December 27th, 2005 at 5:33 pm
Chloe,
I understand you thoughts on Christmas. This Christmas wasn’t a fairy tale, but it was fun. There weren’t a lot of gifts under the tree, but that’s not what it’s about. My family spent our first Christmas holiday without relatives. I love my husband’s family and my parents, but it was like a breath of fresh air with out them. We went over to our neighbor’s house for Christmas. It was so much fun.
I’m sorry for your cat. I lost my childhood dog this year. She fell in the lake and took in too much water. She had to be put down. Just be thankful for all of the good times that you’ve had with your pet. I know it’s painful. However, soon your cat will truly be a kitten again in Heaven. She’ll be chasing balls of string and playing with the angels. That gives me solace when I think of my dog.
December 27th, 2005 at 6:12 pm
I love that cardigans song too..have you heard their new album? there is a song on there called drip drop teardrop thats really good
I hope you had a wonderfull holiday and that your new year starts in a lovely way.
December 27th, 2005 at 7:03 pm
So nice that you have tried to overcome the Xmas you grew up with. The little ones are very lucky. Sorry about your cat, seems like they get old so fast right under our noses.
December 27th, 2005 at 7:04 pm
My mum got stressed about the cleaning and cooking for Christmas, but after all that it always turned out nice. This is the first Christmas I haven’t spent with my family and although it wasn’t as special or Christmassy I still enjoyed it a lot.
It’s very sad about your cat. Our family cat died in 2001. My Dad accidentally ran him over because he had a habit of sleeping behind the wheels of the car and Dad forgot to check. He was about 19 years old, too! I still miss him, and in fact, I was talking about him the other night!
Take care and be happy
xox
December 27th, 2005 at 8:24 pm
o.o
I posted a personals ad for the hell of it, went to sleep, and woke up to an e-mail giving me hell because I’d said I was SWF (single white female). The specifying race seemed to offend someone. I put it in there without conscious thought, but whatever. I think that electronic dating is Not for the Badger. When I reply to a personals ad, I wind up either meeting a possessed fiend from Gehenna, or a beautiful, lovely woman who wants to just be friends.
As far as relatives go, I pretty much excused myself from participation in the family about seven years ago, and have never been happier. Yes, it gets a little lonely sometimes, but it beats the loneliness you feel when you’re one of the only two sane people at the gathering, and the other (your brother) wants to get the hell out just as much as you do!
*wanders off, still very relaxed from a holiday spent without personal drama, but still feeling like he isn’t liked by Someone What’s In Charge…*
December 27th, 2005 at 10:43 pm
Christmas is all about the memories you make for yourself and others, sounds like you are doing just that.
December 28th, 2005 at 12:33 am
It’s kind of funny how we often do things differently to make up for something our parents didn’t do well enough, or something they did too much of.
My mom sounds similar to your mom, in the sense that she rarely invited people over for Christmas, and when she did it was usually an old or sick person. She was always crazily cleaning…and still is, to this day.
She has, however, always known how to make Christmas good in many ways. Even though she often avoided having visitors outside of the family, and usually only the immediate family, we always got way too many gifts, and our house was always glowing with all the decorations.
Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were often magical, but the days leading up to Christmas were hectic and stressful for my mom with all her elaborate preparations, and were hectic and stressful for her afterwards with all the cleanup and the pressure she put on herself to make everything perfect, etc..
Christmas has therefore always produced really positive AND really negative emotions in me. In my own life, I cling to the positive traditions…by doing some things similar to my mom’s actions — writing cards, buying presents, etc….but the negative things I try to change drastically — I don’t spend so much time cleaning and decorating, I try to see as many people as possible over the holidays, AND I made sure I don’t stress out.
December 28th, 2005 at 5:59 am
morgan
my wish to you for the new year: Healthy lungs!
anonymous shannon
thank you! I really hope this is true. I want to believe very much in it.
starfish
my favourite Cardigans song is If There is A Chance. Look it up, it’s great. I have listened to some of the songs from the new album. I think they’re great. Cardigans should be bigger than they are.
Liz
welcome!
i know, they grow up so fast. I still remember feeding my cat with a feeding bottle.
maja
great new picture!
sorry about your dog and what a sad way to go! when you are that old you think you should be spared accidents.
I read about your Christmas. It all sounds wonderful and your pictures were fantastic. I hope you enjoy many many many happy Holidays with those you love.
xx
badger
hehehe. just for the hell of it?
But you are NOT a single white female. Unless you mean in badger terms.
Oh well, I’ll never understand men.
You are very much liked. And if I was in Charge, you’d be a Single White Prince by now.
Croaker
Welcome. Thanks, i think so too. you might want to really have an unconventional Christmas but if it works for you it’s okay. it’s the same with weddings and so many other celebrations.
I just want to see people happy, i don’t really care if they are traditionally happy or not.
Vesper
oh yes, the sick neighbour. i understand why our mothers did that, i just don’t understand why they had to do it every year.
M. tried to vacuum the house on Christmas day and i got furious. Of course he didn’t get to do it eventually but the sight of the vacuum cleaner sent shivers down my spine.
xxx
xxx